'After this I want to quit': Employee requests PTO to attend family funeral, boss asks for proof of the service

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Nov 15, 2023 2:00 PM EST

Paid time off should never be met with these kinds of invasive questions. When you sign a contract that entitled you to paid vacation time, there simply should not be any sort of explanation necessary, as you are granted a set number of days to do whatever you like in that free time. Now, some employers think that they are owed an explanation for every choice you make. Or perhaps they throw shade at the fact that you are using those days. Or perhaps it's all just societal pressure in your head! Regardless, if an employer crosses a line and violates their end of the contract in the process, it's time to start looking for another job.

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  • 01
    "My supervisor called me into her office and asked for proof of the service"
    via Rhodi Lopez

  • This thread was posted to Reddit's r/AskHR subreddit and details an employee's confrontation with their boss about providing proof that they did, in fact, attend the memorial service of their aunt during their requested time off. Now, it is normal for this instance to occur if you requested bereavement leave, but if it's paid time off, these questions simply should not have been asked in the first place. One has to wonder, however, where these trust issues bosses have with their employees stem from because in this case, this does not seem like an employee who abuses their work privileges. Keep scrolling below for the full story and the best reactions in the comments section. When you're done, check out this post about a boss who mocked their employee for taking a day off.

  • 02
    [NY] Employer asked for proof of death (I took day off to attend funeral) Policy & Procedures My dad's aunt passed away and I requested one day off to attend the funeral and be there for my family. The day I returned my supervisor called me into her office and asked for proof of the service-
    via u/InformalWind809
  • 03
    like a mass card or pamphlet. She said "I am sorry I have to ask this but you know". I wanted to say, no, I don't know. Then she started asking me who passed away and if we were close. The whole thing left me feeling upset and disturbed.
    via u/InformalWind809
  • 04
    Then when I got home I started making excuses for them to try to justify it. I was feeling so confused and embarrassed. So I have been at this company for almost 4 months. It is a small company of 5 women. I have never had an attendance issue, am never late.
    via u/InformalWind809
  • 05
    Every 3 to 4 weeks on Monday I do have to leave a half an hour early to attend my orthodontist appointment. So maybe they don't like that and are suspicious of me even though they said it was ok. I think the head of the company told my supervisor to ask for proof of the funeral. She is a hard and a really cold person and I think she did not believe I took off for that.
    via u/InformalWind809
  • 06
    After this I want to quit. It is the final straw. I am making $26k a year to be overworked, hate everything about my job and it is just a horrible working environment.
    via u/InformalWind809
  • 07
    Is it a common policy with companies to ask for proof for a death? I wasn't even taking bereavement leave, it was one day off to attend a funeral. I work in NYC for reference.
    via u/InformalWind809
  • 08
    Hrgooglefu 1 day ago Professional Internet Stra... Yes it is common... especially if it was paid timeoff.... 253 Share
    via u/InformalWind809
  • 09
    Content_Currency_586. 1 day ago I don't get it. Paid time off comes out from person's yearly allowance. Why would the employer care haw it was spend? 78 Share
    via u/InformalWind809
  • 10
    bellazezinho1 - 1 day ago . OP, you should look for another job, not because they asked for proof, but because you only make $26K. 190 Share
    via u/InformalWind809
  • 11
    mermaiddolphin 1 day ago edited 1 day ago HRBP This is very common. I can't tell you how many employees have faked a death to get the paid bereavement leave instead of using their PTO.
    via u/InformalWind809
  • 12
    I've even been given fake proof (doctored screenshots) from employees trying to game the system. The person they gave me the proof for didn't die, they were just in jail.
    via u/InformalWind809
  • 13
    It's really unfortunate that we have to ask for proof from those who are being honest, but unfortunately, people have learned that they can try to game the system have ruined it for the honest individuals.
    via u/InformalWind809
  • 14
    Because you said it was for a funeral, they may be trying to code it as bereavement leave for you instead of PTO. ↑ 174 ↓ Share
    via u/InformalWind809
  • 15
    florianopolis_8216. 1 day ago I think your problem is making $26k in NYC. That is very low for our COL. I suggest trying to get a job with higher pay if possible. You still might suffer these indignities but they will be slightly less annoying. 52 Share
    via u/InformalWind809
  • 16
    glitterstickers - 1 day ago It is absolutely normal to request proof. Too many people lie. And before you say "I never gave them a reason to distrust", it's not about you. It's about policies being consistent to ward off any claims of illegal discrimination.
    via u/InformalWind809
  • 17
    Additionally, many employers won't give time off for funerals at all, and many will restrict covered relatives. Your dad's aunt is too distant for many employers to even humor and they will tell you "sorry to hear that, request denied."
    via u/InformalWind809
  • 18
    IneffableNonsense. 1 day ago If you didn't take bereavement leave but used a day out of your personal PTO bank that seems very odd and inappropriate for them to demand proof. It's your personal time that you've earned, what you were doing is none of their business. If you did use bereavement leave then yes, it's common and appropriate to be asked for proof.
    via u/InformalWind809
  • 19
    pretty-ribcage 1 day ago It's common for bereavement leave. More unusual if you used vacation time off or something.
    via u/InformalWind809

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